you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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