would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
