Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
