do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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