I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
