I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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