You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
