Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
