areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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