I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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