She said her name was "party"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
