Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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