I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
