There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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