i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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