Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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