i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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