craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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