I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
