Barsexuality is the new black.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
