dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
