So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
