He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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