he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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