if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
