it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
