WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
