my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
