My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
