Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
