smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
