I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
