you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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