Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The Olympian is in my bed
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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