In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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