you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
