I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
