i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
