U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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