1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
