Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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