You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
