peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
