There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
