I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
