What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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