Moan for me like Helen Keller
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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