Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i will never coherently bang her
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
