oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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