It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We need to rekindle our bromance
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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