I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
