So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just come out here and I will go home with you...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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