Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
