I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
