I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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