I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
