This is not my ceiling
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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