Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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