I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
