dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
