He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
