my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
