oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
