around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
