Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
