two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize