I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
