I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
