I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
