I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
